Gluten-Free Chaos

May 26

First came low-fat diets,
Then – coffee was so bad,
Then wine became so healthy,
For that – I was so  glad.
 Red Wine glass from Wikipedia
Then low fat made a u-turn,
Then wine was not okay,
Then milk became the culprit,
But what is it today?
There is this thing called gluten,
In all the bread you chew,
It’s in your yummy Mac and cheese,
It’s in your licorice too!
This drives me kind of nutty,
Is gluten bad for me?
I think I’ll go bananas,
But are they gluten free?
But wait! You cannot see them,whole_wheat_bread_loaf_Wikipedia
This drives my head insane,
These tiny little proteins,
Keep messing with my brain!
“Give us this day our daily bread,”
If gluten’s what I’ve read,
Forgive me lord, I’m not quite sure,
But do you want me dead?
I think it’s not that good for me,
I know, I think, I guess…nutritional_label_Wikipedia
I cannot taste this sticky spec,
This gluten thing’s a mess!
No gluten in my oatmeal, (yuck)
No gluten in my beer, (burp)
No gluten in my pizza slice,
What is this gluten fear?
I cannot go to restaurants,
Or lunch to see a friend,
But may I have a dinner roll,
Or will that be my end!
Is wheat the biggest culprit,apple_Pie_Wikipedia
Or GMO’s gone wild,
Will I have a heart attack,
Or something rather mild?
Marketing comes from corporate,
Where gluten-free began,
They’re hyping up this “gluten thing,”
To build no gluten’s brand!
They have me pasta paranoid,
Fresh bagels make me cry,
I’m scared to death of grandma’s scones,Dinner rolls Wikipedia
My god I miss her pie!
So screw this gluten-free chaos,
And dinner rolls that kill,
This gluten free will wipe us out,
Before more gluten will!

Copyright 2014 Steve Dahl 


There is certainly a lot of nutritional science that says gluten can cause a lot of people a lot of problems. I’m well aware of that! And, like the fat-free craze or the low cholesterol craze, the marketing gurus like me were not going to miss THIS opportunity! This little piece was inspired after a git-t0gether with some friends as we comically tried to arrange the pot-luck approach to the evening to cover all the varied dietary considerations of the group. Some were gluten free, others vegan, others paleo, others, well, normal. That’s the world we live in.

And, not that one should ever be skeptical of the advertising world or the media, god forbid, but do your homework on this one!  Going gluten free will likely help you lose weight, reduce inflammation and make you feel better. And, maybe it’s not an issue for you. Get tested and follow the science.

By the way, I’m gluten free and I feel much better! 

You might consider taking 30 days and go gluten free to see how you feel!

Have a gluten-free day!

Images courtesy of

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